I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
