The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
