I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
