Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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