How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
