hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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