did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
