We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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