It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
