well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
