i jhust puked up my retainher.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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