So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
