You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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