apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
