i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I need a burrito and a hug.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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