Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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