Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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