The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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