Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
