I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
