That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize