Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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