Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
