its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
