But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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