weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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