Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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