I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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