i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
