Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
