Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize