That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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