apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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