Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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