btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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