I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
