the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
