yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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