Kiss
Puke
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I want to fling myself into the sun
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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