never play flip cup with pint glasses
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
