Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
