I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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