he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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