All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
