I wish I could teleport
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
a search helicopter?!
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize