So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
