i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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