Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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