So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
