Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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