i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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