Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
