don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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