K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
