i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
