I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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