What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
