idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
