I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
