M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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