so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
