while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
