Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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