You're a womanizer and a bitch.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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