We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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