I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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