he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
