Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
