Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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