I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
