it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Randomize
