I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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