ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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