wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I deserve this hangover.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
