I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
