so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
