And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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